


One Wish

by easterngods



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Drabble, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 08:17:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17763131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/easterngods/pseuds/easterngods
Summary: "I know you love me, but I'm sick of lying when I say it back"





	One Wish

**Author's Note:**

> written in ~30 min, so i apologize for any errors

_“I know you love me, but I’m sick of lying when I say it back.”_

His eyes are blurry with tears stinging, threatening to fall. But then again, he has still an ounce of pride remaining to prevent gravity get the best of them.

 

“Forget it.”

 

He spits those words with so much forced venom. He has no idea where it came from, all he knows is he’s shaking and on the verge of breaking and he needs to _leave_.

 

He hears the footsteps behind him abruptly stop. He continues to walk away, albeit slower, if you ask him later if he did it because there’s a part of him still hoping that the other man would grab his wrist, he’d deny it.

 

“Changmin-ah-“

 

“Hyung, please let it go for tonight, I’m clearly not in the mood.”

 

Yunho sighs, frustrated, behind him. He could just imagine the older man running his own shaking hand through his hair, trying to keep it together.

 

“Since when were you ever in the mood.”

 

Changmin really is a ruiner. He can’t keep his feelings in check, can’t keep it appropriate. Now he’s gotten the most important person in his life unnecessarily upset. And he just wants everything to stop.

 

He wants to stop the time and go back seventeen years ago, when Yunho told him to quit he should’ve never looked him in the eyes and stubbornly refused. Or he could just go back fifteen years ago, when given the chance to debut with Yunho he should’ve declined and waited to debut later. Maybe even just about ten years ago, when they both hit what felt like rock bottom. This second time around, he would’ve never taken the hand Yunho offered for him to hold. He would’ve never felt the familiar electricity emitted between them course through his veins.

 

And then, just maybe, he would’ve never fallen in love with the one _person_ he could never have.

 

“You’re incredibly infuriating, do you know that?” Yunho barrels on, not caring if Changmin was listening anymore. It was as if he’s talking to a wall as usual.

 

“You start so many things, but never finish them. You flee the moment you feel discomfort, grow up, Changmin-ah. Face your fears,” Changmin can’t pinpoint Yunho’s tone, he doesn’t know if he’s mad, disgusted, or at this point just completely done with him.

 

Whatever Yunho was feeling, Changmin doesn’t particularly care at this point, his own emotions are indecipherable. He wants to whip back and scream and Yunho, how dare he accuse him of flying at the instance of discomfort. He _stayed_ , goddammit. He stayed no matter what. Despite the struggle back to the top, despite the struggle to keep whatever it was brewing in his heart at the very bottom. Six feet under, where it was safe from rejection. Where it was appropriate.

 

“Well I guess I’ll finish one thing that I’ve always regretted that I started,” Changmin can’t control his mouth anymore. The whole apartment just feels so suffocating and every regrettable word coming out of his stupid mouth was his only way of breathing.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> to be quite honest idk if this is finished, i left a lot of the details ambiguous just in case i continue this in the near future.
> 
> if you have any requests or questions, don't hesitate to message me:   
> https://curiouscat.me/changdolas   
> https://twitter.com/nctshinki
> 
> I really appreciate all the messages and comments you guys give me! I just really suck at replying :( 
> 
> Hope you liked it ♡


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